Desires of Your Heart

“Trusting God completely, means having faith that he knows what is best for your life.” – Purpose Driven Life

What I'm going through - header

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post regarding my job search experiences. And it has been a couple of days since I was blessed with the opportunity to have an interview in the organization I that I really was eyeing on (Praise God! Thank You for this Lord!).

ASSIST

I personally think that my interview went “okay.” Just an “okay” would be good enough to describe how it went. It wasn’t how I was expecting it to be though. Like I’ve said before, it was the organization that I really was dreaming to work in. I did my part to be prepared as best as I can. I even made my own elevator pitch and even thought thoroughly of the best answers I can give by answering some of the possible questions I might get during the interview.

I really prepared myself well enough because I really wanted the organization, location, position, job and everything else I know of that goes with it! Then interview day came. I was very excited and nervous at the same time. There were mixed emotions filling in my guts. I try my best to be confident and keep myself focused. I even arrived at my interview 30 minutes earlier than my schedule. Finally, when the interview itself happened, I was amused with the questions that my interviewer asked me. Those were some of the exact questions I had been pondering on too, so I was able to answer them confidently.

Although there were also some questions I had a hard time answering too and that’s what’s making me feel insufficient for the job. And I’m feeling quite frustrated with what happened. I was lost for words and even stuttered at some point, and it definitely made me seem bad and influent in English (it was a beautiful foreigner who was my interviewer, plus one of the desired skills is to be excellent in the English language). Thinking about my mistakes and mishaps makes me very disappointed with myself.

But above all else, I still put my trust in the Lord that He will turn all the ugly things that happened during my interview fiasco into a stunningly beautiful outcome! I’m just hoping that I get the job!

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Reflection - header

With the past few days that I was praying for a favorable and positive response from my interview, I’ve been claiming victory through the Lord, yet I still tell Him that whatever His will is, I shall still accept them. But honestly, it was a hard thing to pray for (to surrender to what the Lord wants and plans for you than what it is that you want for yourself). I even cry sometimes when I pray for this to the Lord because it really is hard to let go and just let Him. I feel so torn when I claim my blessings to Him, realizing that what if He doesn’t give them to me? ––– I just feel as if my faith is being questioned at this point.

In times when my faith is shaken while in prayer, I cling to God’s word and read the Bible. The Lord then reminded me of His promise:

Psalm 374This verse reminds us of a great, yet a conditional promise. There is something we must do (delight yourself in the Lord) in order for God to give you the desires of your heart.

But as I was reflecting, the key question here is: What does it mean to delight oneself in the Lord?

According to my readings, the Hebrew word translated “delight” is anog. It literally means to be soft and pliable. “Make yourself soft and pliable in the hands of the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4, PJV).”

The next question I had then is: Am I making myself soft and pliable in the hands of the Divine Potter?

I figured out that: for a skilled potter to be able to make a great piece, the clay has to be soft. If the clay is hard, stubborn, and non-pliable; the best potters won’t be able to make what they truly desire to make. God is the potter; you and I are the clay. Our only job is to be soft and pliable in the hands of the Master. Our only job is to yield to Him and choose His will over our will.

I also remember a scene in the movie Facing the Giants (one of the best inspiring movies in my list): In this inspiring story, the football coach and his wife were trying unsuccessfully to have children. Medical tests revealed biological children were probably not going to be possible for them. With a broken heart, the coach asked his wife this penetrating question, “If God never gives us children, will you still love Him?” After an honest-soul searching, her answer was yes! ––As a result, God gave her the desires of her heart, and she got pregnant.

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I then realized what this verse meant, and the beauty of this promise requires a strong sense of faith and a heart fully surrendered to the Lord’s will. With this realization and reflection, I pray:

Prayer - header

Father God, I ask strength from You. I ask You to please keep me firm in my faith yet pliable enough to surrender to all Your plans for me. I’m sorry if there are moments in my life that I allow things to shaken my faith in You. But believe me Lord, that in times like this, when I feel lost and I have nowhere to go, I know that it is You, whom I can come to. Lord, I’m sorry if there are times that I am stubborn enough to understand the things You want to do for me. I’m sorry if there are times that I come to you in constant prayer but never fully and completely put my trust in You, because I am too caught up and blinded by the things I want for myself that I always ask from You. But now, Lord God, even if it really hurts to realize and know that you may not materialize my dreams and prayers, I will still choose to love and trust You! For I know that your plans are far better than my highest expectations, dreams, hopes and desires. You are truly marvelous, Father God! Today, I choose to feel Your love for me. Let me feel Your unconditional love for me, Lord! Work through, in and with my life, dear God! Hallelujah, Jesus!

Glory to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit! As it was in the beginning, now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

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Perhaps what you’re facing is what appears to be the death of your dream. Will you choose to love God and trust Him even if your dream never materializes? That, my dear friends, is delighting yourself in the Lord ––That gets God’s attention and causes Him to fulfill His conditional promise.

Never forget that the Divine Potter loves you and wants the best for you. Let Him have His way, and you will be amazed at what He produces on the potter’s wheel, as He makes something stunningly beautiful of your life!

LYRICS:
I’ve got voices in my head
And they are so strong
And I’m getting sick of this
Oh Lord, how long will I be haunted
By the fear that I believe?
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can’t set free
But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find, that letting go lets me come alive?
So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You
With You, Lord
‘Cause these voices speak instead
What’s right is wrong
And I’m giving into them
Oh please, Lord, how long will I be held captive
By the lies that I believe?
My heart’s in constant chaos
And it keeps me so deceived
But if I let these dreams die
If I could lay down my dark desire
‘Cause if I let these dreams die
Will I find, You brought me back to life?
So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh Lord, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
‘Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me
Well, keep me from the ground
My heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I’m fighting for
So won’t You
So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You
With You
I need You now
I need You now, Lord
With You
With You
I need You now, Lord
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