December 07, 2012
Typed on December 09, 2012
Listening to: Over and Underneath Album by Tenth Avenue North
Just a thought: Before letting go of someone you love so much, do memories of you together flash before your eyes?
I just happen to ponder on such question lately, ’cause that’s what I’ve been going through. I’ve been reminiscing the times we had together, both good and bad… The moments we spent together in places we’ve been at; the usual things we do together in such time –even the words which were spoken were vividly emblazoned in my thoughts.
Perhaps this is necessary before you even let go. For the very last time, you look at the things that you’re about to set free.
It just hurts me right now that at this point, I’d have to go through this process again: Look at the things that I’ve held onto for far too long –that one thing I’ve always always always hoped and longed for; and prepare my heart for I’m about to let it go.
I don’t really know who I’m talking to right now, for anyone can just read this. But one thing that I could share is this prayer that would perhaps let you understand what I’m going through (for those who might also be going through the same situation as I am, I share this prayer to you. As for the others, I hope you could also pray for my intentions):
Here I am again, I stand before you and ask for forgiveness for not allowing you to work on me. Sorry if I’m too stubborn to accept your will that at this point I must let him go. You know very well how much I’ve longed for him. You know how much I prayed for his path to lead to success.
Father, I’m in deep sorrow and pain right now. Alam ko naman po from the very beginning, how I can ease all of these hurt… but I guess I was too scared to let you work on us. Natatakot ako sa mga plano mo, na what if you’d take him away from me, when you know how much I want him in my life. I’ve been so controlling over our relationship na umaabot na sa point na yung mga plano mo para sa amin ay nasasagasaan na ng mga plano ko. I’m sorry Father for not letting you handle us in the first place.
Lord, you know very well the desires of my heart and I’m letting you take control of it. I will trust you to work on it Father. Ang hirap Lord, hindi ko ma-explain, pero ang sakit kasi bitawan yung matagal kong pinanghawakan; yung matagal kong hinintay… tapos hindi mo ibibigay. I know nothing of your plans Lord. I’m trying to be faithful as I can be right now, pero nahihirapan talaga ako. Help me to open up my heart to you Father. I lift to you the pain, doubts, fears and worries I carry in my heart. I ask of you to help me make them my source of strength. Change and heal my heart, O Lord. Turn these feelings into faith, hope and trust. Remind me of your unceasing love for me Father, that everything placed in your cares will all be perfected.
I come to you Father, and I ask for healing. Heal what’s broken in me. Strengthen what’s left of me. Shine your light upon me Lord, as I ask for clarity and peace of mind.
I know Father God, that with and through you, I do not need anything else. You are all that I need. Whatever your plans are Lord, I accept. I’m letting go Lord, and I surrender them all to you. Ikaw na po ang bahala sa akin… sa kanya… sa amin.
We’re both your beloved child Father God, use us as you will, even if it means not getting what we want for ourselves, for I know that in your perfect time, your will is always best.
Thank you Lord. I love you. I feel truly blessed for this opportunity to let go and let You.
–and I just had a very good cry. I thank the Lord for washing away all the weight I carry in my heart. 🙂